My dad has passed away on 1 june, 09.50 am.
And now i am confused.
My relationship with him wasnt good. All i remember about him in my childhood years was the anger he spilled. I remember the days he made my life and my mom’s became utterly hard. I remember the tears, the yell, the.. and everything about him hurt me until i wished God would kindly give me the way out from this ASAP
Then the news came. He passed away this morning… and im confused how to feel. I took care of his funeral preparation. We brought him to the funeral home. I told my colleagues about this news. I received many many condolences text and call and pray from everyone i know and i dont. And i came back home at night to have a (supposedly) good rest as his funeral would be held in the very next morning.
And i stare at his usual blue worn out sandals he used to wear to walk around my house every night. I moved in his unopened stock diapers my mom bought him for the days he was in the hospital. I saw his pillow, and the door handle he used to open and close in the middle of the night. I sat in the kitchen and i confused why my tears flew down rapidly, so suddenly.
I laid down and i remember the long day ago he took me to Roxy Mas to buy me the newest and most updated HP. I remember the day he looked at me proudly bcs i could fully memorized multiplication table. I remembered the day he waited patiently for me outside my school to picked me home. I remember the day he asked me why im crying after a long work day and he said he wanted to scold the person who made me cry. I remembered the night i spent crying continuously when he gone missing. I remember the long ride he took me and my sister to the mandarin course i hate. I remember the time he closed his eyes and said i was a good massager when i helped him to bath…
Dear Papa, its so hurtful that i have to be in this time to remember that we still have good times back then. Im so so so so so sorry that I cant stick to the good memories we had whenever we argue. Im so so so so so so sorry you had to underwent such a rough times in these last years. I am so deeply sorry for the yell, the anger, the mistakes and the everything i had to throw back at you. I really wish God let you be in eternal peace after this life… i love Papa.
Ps. Maybe Papa havent knew this, but im pregnant! Papa will have another grandchildren in your family line. Doctor said my baby is a girl, maybe you have alteady feel it whenever i put your hand on my belly.
God's Coincidental 